The Grass is Greener Where it's Watered

Job Satisfaction

I've held this belief for a long time. When I was a teen, I had to make a constant effort to not let envy rear its ugly head in my direction. It's developmentally normal for teens to compare themselves to their peers. At that age, you're trying to figure out who you are, what interests you have, what you believe, what values you stand for, what kind of people you surround yourself with, how you treat others and how they treat you or perceive you. What's also developmentally appropriate is for teens to also not have a full understanding or control of their emotions since a lot of new ones pop up during that stage. Envy, is one of those new emotions (see Inside Out 2).

For my journey, much of my envy came from comparing myself to other artists as that was a key component of my identity. I wanted to take my art more seriously and eventually make a career out of it somehow, and I wanted to be "good" at it. While I was learning from my teachers, taking inspiration from others and practicing, I was also disheartened by seeing other artists whose skills far surpassed mine, both online and in person. How can these people be so much better than me, and have developed their skills faster than me, or started younger than me? How did they get so good at it? I could never! It was hard, and can still be hard, but with practice, I could more easily manage my envious thoughts. I still feel envy and sometimes it gets the better of me, but I remember how bad it made me feel when I was younger since I didn't know how to cope with it.

That also translated to other aspects when I got older, especially when I started teaching. By the time I got to collage, I had a better viewpoint on my artistic skill. I accepted that there will always be people who are better than me, but as long as I like what I make, then I have the drive to keep going. I accepted that everyone was different in their skills, their strengths, their styles and interests. It's what makes us all unique. I had to manually rewire my thinking to that no one is "better than" someone else, we're all just different and we celebrate it and even take inspiration from those we look up to.

When I was finishing my teaching degree and I went into job hunting, I was so sure that I would be happiest with high school. I loved high schoolers. They are smart, more mature and their depth of thinking and creative problem solving was so much higher than younger grades. However, I was fortunate enough to get a wonderful job at a junior high school. I thought, "eh. I'll try it out. I can teach junior high. Maybe eventually I can move up to high school after some experience." I wanted a high school position and I was jealous of my peers that got high school teaching jobs. If an offer for a high school art teacher opened up, that I can take it. In the meantime, I'll teach junior high and get some experience to help me get there.

My first year of teaching, I had no idea what I was doing and I remember being in several other art classrooms to observe and take notes from more experienced art teachers. They had some really good ideas that fit their class environment and I wanted to be better. I knew I was starting out and that I'd learn as I went, but man, that envy crept up on me without me noticing. I looked at the student outcomes from my class and compared them to my peers and their student outcomes. Theirs were higher quality than mine. They had better classroom management, their students were on task and not disruptive like mine and the skill level of their artwork was far beyond what my students could do. It wasn't a reflection on who my students were, but more so about my ability to teach them and help them grow their artistic prowess. I was envious of the other teachers.

That little green eyed monster kept poking its nose into my business again and again. It wasn't until my 3rd year teaching that I realized a number of things:

1. My student outcomes look amazing. Not because they are masters of art, but because of the level of improvement from beginning to end of class. They may not look like some of the other teachers, but they tried and the growth is the win, not the final product.

2. I now have more experience in teaching. Trial and error helped me figure out what's best and what to use again versus what didn't work and didn't get the results I wanted. I got better at teaching, and it wasn't fair to myself to compare my beginner level to someone else's master level of teaching.

3. What works for one teacher doesn't necessarily work for everyone else, even if we all teach the same classes and the same grades. No one is better than someone else, just different. I found what works for me and my class to get good results. My student rapport is the driving force behind their improvement, not their skill level. Students typically do better in their classes with teachers they like versus teachers they don't like. If you like the class, then you're more willing to put in the work to improve and take feedback to get better at your craft.

4. I really love my job. I love it enough to put in the effort to do my best and provide what's best for my students here. Even if I taught high school, it'd still be the same effort, and care I'd put in. Teaching high school will also have its pros and cons, so it's likely not as glamorous and I made it out to be in my head when I was job hunting. Not better, just different. I'd probably just be trading junior high pros and cons for high school pros and cons and one is not more worthy or "better" than the other.

5. "The grass is greener on the other side of the fence" was what I used to think. "The grass is greener on MY side of the fence because I choose to water it" is what I think now. I don't want to teach high school because I think it's better than teaching junior high. I now want other art teachers to see how much green I have on my side of the fence and be inspired by me, instead. I want to imbue my garden with so much job satisfaction that it's the envy of others. No matter where I teach, as long as I continue to water my side of the fence, I will always have green grass, regardless of how much greener or duller other people's grass is.

Envy still crops up from time to time, but as long as I actively choose to put in the love and care into my job, then that's enough to make me happy. I can still accept inspiration from other teachers with greener grass, but my grass is also green and that's enough.