The Art of Not Caring
One of the most common questions I get as an art teacher is some variation of, "Does this look good?" The "this" in question is referring to an art project and the person asking is someone who values my opinion. While this question is a bid for feedback, depending on the vibe of the person asking, it can denote different sub-context. For some it's really a question of, "Is this good enough for me to be done and move on?" For others it's, "I think it's missing something, but I don't know what. What do you think?" But the most common type is, "I need some praise and encouragement to move forward." I'm not perfect at interpreting every single sub-context, but I can usually find out what the student needs with a returning question, "What do YOU think?"
Yes, I can give feedback on what I can objectively see, but at the end of the day, what I think ultimately doesn't matter because it's not my art, it's theirs and they can feel however they want about it, regardless of what I say. For my specific age group of students, they need help to develop their emotional intelligence in healthy ways, but this is also true for all ages, validation from people you look up to is encouraging. However, it's also vital to practice internal reflection. How do you feel about your art? Do you like it? Does it match the vision you had in mind? Does it evoke the right emotions you wanted? Is it an accurate representation of yourself? Are you satisfied with the skill level it took to make it? Depending on the answers to these questions, I can tailor my feedback to fit each individual's needs and get into what they did well and if they need to improve anything, but the real skill I aim for them to develop is the same skill that's carried me this far into my adulthood: As long as I like what I did, then it doesn't matter what other people think.
Anyone who knows me personally can attest to the fact that I've had this innate skill since I was young. I have always walked to the beat of my own drum, regardless of whether it was annoying or endearing to others. I also had to go through the tough stages of growing up and look to my elders for guidance and encouragement in my craft, and how to deal with the feelings of when they didn't approve or didn't give me the feedback I wanted. While I take pride in what I do, I'm constantly keeping in mind to not be too prideful or egotistical. I don't think I'm the best in the world, but as long as I'm happy with my work, then I'm okay with wherever I stand among my peers, for better and for worse.
It's liberating when you go into learning something new that the only person you have to answer to is yourself. For many, this can be difficult as we are our own worst critics, but we can also be our own greatest cheerleaders. It's healthy to find a balance in both roles, and it's not easy, but doable. Naturally, you would want to be your own cheerleader more than not, but it's okay if that's a hard skill to practice right now. Some days will be easier than others. In the long run, do you want to be happier in your own skin or wallow in self pity? Either way, you're stuck with yourself more than anyone else, although I hope you choose the former.
Back to my original point, I know that my words and actions carry a heavy weight for my students and their self esteem, it's developmentally appropriate for their age to compare themselves to their peers and they look to me as someone older and wiser to make sure they are doing things correctly. I take that responsibility very seriously, especially for many students, I'm the only positive adult interaction they have. Or for students that have many positive adult interactions, but mine is important to them.
Children and teens absorb what adults do and say and they internalize it well into adulthood. Even if I focused on my own thoughts about my art, I still remember how my teachers acted from when I was younger. To those reading, think of your own school experiences. Which teachers do you remember the most and why? Did you have a teacher you loved? What subject did they teach? What emotions come up from their class? Were they funny? Did they give out prizes for correct answers? Did they leave insightful feedback on your homework? What about classes you didn't like? Why? Were the lessons boring? Was the teacher not personable? Did they seem harsh or mean? How many memories are connected to your emotions? How much content did you actually learn from their classes regardless of how you felt about them?
I' honored be in the position I am to help my students learn and grow as artists, but more importantly, help them grow into decent human beings with critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence and creative problem solving. I like to wear themed outfits to school depending on what I'm teaching that day in my classes, or if there is a holiday to celebrate, or if there is spirit week. I try to insert jokes into my lessons because I find them funny, or to share facts that I personally find interesting even if it doesn't have any connection to what I'm teaching. I do these things because I enjoy them, and students can pick up on that energy. I know I lead by example for them, so if they see me doing something simply because it makes me happy, then, if I'm lucky, they will learn to do it for themselves too. It gets easier to brush off the disapproving opinions of others when you only have yourself to please.
Who cares if you messed up? Try again. Who cares if someone else's art is "better" than yours? Who cares if what you made is only interesting to you? Are you going to let another person determine whether or not you're good enough? Yes, I may be your art teacher, but are you happy with your work? if so, then it ultimately doesn't matter what I think. It's not my art, it's yours. You will be taking it home at the end of the day, so whose opinion really matters then?
Make for an audience of one, yourself.